Finding a New God in a New Church

In Octavia Butler’s novel “Parable of the Sower,” we meet Lauren, a 15-year-old Black girl whose father is a Baptist preacher. As Lauren navigates the chaos and upheaval of a dystopian society, she realizes that her father’s God is not the same one she knows. She then has the audacity to give God a different name, realizing that the traditional Christian context in which she’s been raised is not for her. 

Lauren’s transformation is referenced in Cole Arthur Riley’s book “Black Liturgies,” as an example of what healthy doubt can lead us to in our faith journeys: “[Lauren] understands [religion’s] complicity in the end of her world … She feels that she can no longer approach that kind of religion with self-honesty. She writes, ‘My God has another name,’ and goes on to realize a new form for the divine in her life. … Instead of relinquishing her connection to the divine, she would seek a God of more mystery and healing than she had been given access to.” 

Nearly four years ago, my family had our own realization of a new divine when we left the predominantly white evangelical spaces that we’d been a part of since moving to Seattle in 2006. The decision to leave was a gradual one, with awareness coming in pieces about how I could no longer accept certain teachings: the subordinate roles of women not only in the church, but in marriages; the microaggressions and colorblindness around racial identity and justice; the empty words of love toward the LGBTQ community. 

I had embraced these conservative beliefs all my life and used them as a foundation for belonging in conservative evangelical spaces. I’d accepted them in sermons and Sunday Schools without question. But now, I felt stifled and often angry. I was tired of hearing about a God who could only speak through men, who cared only about my Christian identity and not the fullness of myself, who shunned people for who they loved — especially when I saw stories in the Bible of a God whose love transcended boundaries. 

I thought about leaving the church altogether, though I didn’t want to walk away from Christianity. The reality was that I wanted to walk away from the only version of Christianity that I’d known — the one that fed on power and fear, that isolated people. Yet, I dreaded the unknown that comes with leaving a familiar place and launching into the church hunt — every introvert’s nightmare. 

Fast-forward to today where I’m in a completely different space — spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically — in terms of our faith community. We attend an open and affirming predominantly Asian American church, one that welcomes all to the pulpit and remains grounded in the Bible. Questions and doubts are embraced. Topics like white supremacy, racism, misogyny, and homophobia are called out and condemned in sermons, whereas these terms had been tiptoed around in previous churches. 

When I think of Butler’s character Lauren renaming God, I get it. The God I’ve encountered in this new faith community isn’t the same one I left behind. Conservative churches may call our church too progressive, even blasphemous. But to me, it is a faith community that has brought me closer to a God of healing and liberation. 

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We asked the rest of the Mochi community about decisions and choices that they’ve made around faith and religion. Here’s what they said: 

“As an Asian American, I made a decision from an early age to continue the faith of my mother’s family and her ancestors, a version of Vietnamese Buddhism which is a form of the broader Mahayana Buddhism. This means honoring my ancestors, visiting the temple when able, and living by the teachings of Buddhism. My life has been impacted by this decision, as I believe it has kept me close to my ancestors and keeps me grounded in what I should focus on in my life — not material things — but how to treat all living creatures with kindness and love, while trying to treat myself the same, as well.” — Lily Fuller, Mochi staff writer

“As we got more involved in our multicultural school, God led us out of our Chinese church of 18 years to a local multiethnic church, to be able to more easily invite people in our community into it. Our kids have been able to worship with people different than them, but in my heart, I still miss the village feel of our Chinese church. I’ve learned that sometimes the culture can affect church negatively and positively. Seven years later, I still find myself wondering what would’ve happened if our kids were still in that close village; maybe they would have had a safer space where they were known/seen since they were born. But I’m learning to trust God with their future and know that He’s always been with us no matter what church we go to.” — Heather Lee, Mochi reader

“I grew up in toxic Christianity in a fundamentalist, evangelical household. As a response, I rejected all forms of religion for most of my adult life until more recent years when I started learning more about Buddhism. Buddhism, particularly engaged Buddhism in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh, has been one of the most healing forces in my life — about grace, generosity, presence, deep compassion, justice, and interbeing.” — @joonae.hk, Mochi reader

“Going to an Asian American church in college was life-changing for me. Growing up, none of my friends were Christian, and I didn’t have anyone that looked like me at school. There was a sense of loneliness and not feeling like I fit in anywhere. In college, the parts of me that never felt understood found their place with other people who shared the same spiritual longing and cultural heritage, and it created a strong sense of security and safety. Being deeply understood across different layers of my identity was a new experience that allowed me to gain confidence not in my uniqueness, but my sameness.” — @serenawang.7, Mochi reader

“I grew up in a multireligion household — dad’s side Catholic and mom’s side Buddhist —  growing up going to Mass, Obon, celebration of life events. It was nice feeling connected culturally, but I just never felt connected spiritually.” — @keolaaa, Mochi reader

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