Amrit Kapai of “Family Karma” Breaks Ground For LGBTQ+ Indian Americans

Real estate mogul Vishal Parvani may have woken up next to his best friend and lawyer Amrit Kapai the morning after his wedding night, but they are not usually bedmates. Both are grooms on this season of “Family Karma,” and fans of the show were treated to not one but two big fat Indian weddings. 

If you are not already a fan, it’s time to join the club because you are missing out on the best reality show currently on television. Now in its third season, the reality TV show airs on Sunday nights on Bravo and follows multiple generations of Indian American families living in Miami. 

Unlike the network’s current (less culturally spicy) offerings, the households are intricately involved in one another’s lives because most of the core group of “kids” grew up together, making the parent group the aunties and uncles of everyone. Amrit and Vishal, for instance, have been best friends for over two decades.

The younger generation, i.e., the “kids,” range from divorcee and mother Bali Chainani to the bachelor and software consultant Brian Benni, and the older generation includes their parents, the “aunties and uncles” — my favorite being the soft-spoken and warm-hearted Raj, father of Monica Vaswani.

To kick off the season, Vishal married his longtime girlfriend Richa Sadana after 10 years of being engaged on and off — he proposed literally three times over — in a great big Punjabi multi-day celebration in Cancún. Wrapping up the season, Amrit is marrying his partner Nicholas Kouchoukos, in what promises to be the event of the season. 

Drama but Also Depth in Narratives

What I love about the show is that the drama is not surface level but very transparent about often difficult life issues, which I discussed with Amrit in detail in an interview about being on the show, his best friend Vishal, and his interracial, gay, and joyous nuptials. 

After a rambunctious and exuberant wedding celebration, Vishal is forced to reckon with his use of alcohol in social settings, especially after he blacks out and misses his wedding night completely. With his wife Richa and his moms (both biological and in-law) urging him to reflect on his reliance on the substance, Vishal is forced to come face to face with the problem — during Amrit’s bachelor party weekend. 

Living in the 305 means that the booze flows freely, and Vishal is caught continuing to drink after Richa had asked him to practice sobriety for a period of time. To recap: Richa and Vishal fight on the eve of Amrit and Nicholas’ stag weekend, and Vishal tells Amrit that he can’t attend, admitting to the camera that he feels like he doesn’t fit in at parties when he isn’t drinking.

When Vishal eventually makes his appearance on day two of the party, Amrit is not pleased to see him. While some people might criticize Amrit’s initial reaction, he shares that once he understood the severity of the issue he “took a step back.” Once the two have a heart-to-heart, it’s clear how deep this friendship runs. 

Amrit shares, “I realized this wasn’t about me, and I was trying to make it about me, but this was about something that he was really struggling with. It was a really serious issue and to hear him say some of those things out loud that had probably been brewing in his head for a long time now, I wanted to understand where his headspace was at.”

Further, Amrit worked on being more conscious of offering Vishal drinks and making sure he was comfortable and having a good time even without alcohol involved. It’s clear that between these two bros, they just want the best for one another. 

Reimagining Cultural Traditions

Moments like these are common on “Family Karma.” Beyond the bromance, father Raj has a conversation with Monica about whether it is traditional and expected for couples to be engaged before moving in together. Vishal and Risha go to couples therapy, even though their elders say they wouldn’t work out their issues that way. There are conversations about arranged marriages and the difference being in America makes for traditions and cultures. 

Speaking of, Amrit and Nicholas’ gay and interracial wedding celebration breaks every rule in the book. When I asked if Amrit ever imagined getting married when he first came out, much less how supportive his mother and father would be about it, he says, “Absolutely not!” 

Although he came out to his parents before the show, Amrit is proud of them and noted that they came a long way in terms of accepting his sexuality, but notes that it was difficult at first. (On a prior season, Amrit does come out to his grandmother before getting engaged to Nicholas.)

Amrit’s parents, Lavina and Suresh, are not only footing the bill but are actively supportive of the lavish celebration, with Lavina noting that it made her sad when she found out Amrit was gay because, as a boy, he loved weddings so much and she didn’t think he would be able to have one. 

At one point in this season, Amrit notes that part of wedding planning only more starkly points to the couple’s differences, in that they are men getting married. The heteronormativity runs rampant in both American culture and Indian traditions. But Amrit points out that a lot of the pressure comes from the roles of extended family members in some Indian rituals and celebrations. There’s a large emphasis on gender and specific family member’s roles in the union of the couple — for example, an uncle of the bride will perform a certain action or have a Mehndi party for the bridal party. 

“We shouldn’t tell people, ‘This is the way you need to do it.’ The way to modernize a tradition is to break the boxes, break that damn box,” Amrit remarks. “Everyone wants to fit everything in a box, whether it’s a person or tradition, or a way of doing things. If your culture doesn’t fit for you, create your own culture; if your tradition doesn’t fit for you, create your own tradition. It’s not as scary to do when you really think about it. Create your own box in whatever shape it is — it doesn’t have to be a square — and you don’t have to be bound by how people think you should be doing things, you can do it your own way.”

Amrit and Nicholas definitely do the big fat wedding their own way, although Nicholas’ family is a little less willing to be on camera and to be supportive of the union. The men throw a Mehndi for all attending and arrive to much excitement from loved ones during their Baraat. 

The Big Dreams of a Queer Indian American 

The wedding goes to show that you can be Indian and American and queer. These celebrations are not just about what parents want to see from their children  — and, admittedly, it can be at times — but it is also about honoring traditions and where you come from. 

“It’s this tug of war, this push and pull between trying to appease our parents, what they want, what they’re used to, and what they grew up seeing, while also trying to create our own culture in this country,” Amrit says. “The beautiful thing about America is that we really are a melting pot. There are people from all over the world in one country, and you get to create your own culture: It doesn’t have to be 100% Indian, it doesn’t have to be 100% American. You get to pick and choose what fits best for you.”

Unlike other reality shows, “Family Karma” is not about drama for drama’s sake. Viewers can really feel why the stakes are so high, and the tension within and between families can slice through air. Refreshingly, everyone on the show cares deeply about one another, but Amrit acknowledges that not all queer Indian Americans have the support system he does. 

For those who are watching the show, Amrit hopes that gay Indian American youth know that “they are not alone.” He acknowledges, “Maybe you’re in a smaller city or you’re in a more conservative city, but know that you’re not alone. Find the people that support you. Find your tribe, because they’re out there. Honestly, they are.”

Like other reality TV stars, Amrit discloses that having the cameras around means later reliving some of the hardest moments in their lives when the episode plays on television. Even though it is tough to just let the cameras roll, Amrit notes on the show that he is doing it so that LGBTQ youth can see that they can get married too, that they can have the wedding of their dreams, and that they too can be surrounded by aunties, uncles, friends, and family who love them. 

“You can have everything you want in life, whether that’s to be in a serious relationship, whether that’s to have a big wedding, whether that’s to have a lifelong blissful marriage,” Amrit says. “Just because you’re gay or transgender, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have a fulfilling life, and I hope people walk away with that.”

Bravo’s “Family Karma” is an intimate look at seven Indian American friends navigating life, love, and careers while balancing the cultural traditions and expectations of their traditional parents and grandparents. It airs on Sundays at 9 p.m./8 p.m. CT. 

Image credits: Bravo