Quotes edited for clarity.

Physically Hurting Someone: Penn, 23, University of Michigan
I was tossing around a football with my girlfriend at the time. I threw it too hard at one point and her finger slipped when she caught it. She thought something might be wrong with her finger and asked if she should go to a doctor, but I said no because it looked fine. She ended up going to the doctor the next day—and it turned out that she had a fracture in her finger. Luckily, she’s okay and we just laugh it off now.
Our advice: Don’t take yourself too seriously; unfortunate moments can become tender memories. But when it comes to injuries, it’s always better to be safe than sorry!

Forgetting to Check the Calendar: Osric, 20, Peking University
In high school, I chatted with a girl on and off, though I was in the United States and she was in Australia. When I lived in Hong Kong and it turned out that we were finally in the same city at the same time, I asked her out and made reservations for a decent restaurant. But when we got there, I was informed that my reservation was actually for the next week. The good news is that we ended up in a Starbucks just talking, and it actually turned out okay!
Our advice: We love Google email alerts to remind us of important events, but clearly location wasn’t key here. If you can hit it off with someone anytime, anywhere, you’ve got better chances that this one’s a keeper.

Bathroom Issues: Joseph, 25, International University of Japan
I have a penchant for spicy food, especially spicy Thai food, but it makes me have to drop a meadow muffin a lot sooner than usual. Before heading to the hot springs with a girl I was dating, I had too much spicy food for lunch. The pain was overwhelming and, when we arrived, I told her I had to go number 2 and off I flew. The problem was, this toilet in Thailand had no flusher. There was a basin of water and a bucket, but I had no idea I had to scoop the water into the toilet to flush it. Long story short, after several tries to flush this thing, I just cleaned up and went out and she had to show me how to flush.
Our advice: Well, we can’t honestly say we have much expertise in dealing with this situation…but we think having a sense of humor is a great rule of thumb.

Chasing Someone Unavailable: Phillip, 21, University of California, Irvine
I took a girl that I thought was really cute to homecoming dance once, thinking that I had a chance and I gave her many pretty flowers. It turns out a couple of months later that she had a boyfriend, the guy who used to date my current girlfriend…
Our advice: Optimism is great, but don’t jump the gun too quickly. Sending friends to find someone’s feelings out might be too middle school, but it never hurts to keep your eyes and ears open.
“Losing” a Ticket: Chase, 21, University of Hawaii
When I went on a movie date, I bought the tickets ahead of time and held it for my date and myself. When we got to the door, I had forgotten where I had put them and had to frantically look for them, checking all my pockets—talk about a scary moment! It turns out that I had put the tickets into my wallet for safekeeping so I wouldn’t forget.
Our advice: If you’re usually not one to lose things, don’t panic! It happens to the best of us. The less tense the mood, the less awkward the search.

Talking About Your Ex: Jason, 23, University of California, Irvine
Last summer, I went on a date with a really nice girl. She chose the place to eat and the area we would hang around for the remainder of the date. Unfortunately, the area she chose for us was the same area my ex and I spent most of our time together when we were seriously involved.
Jason’s own advice: “Try to not to spend a first date in an area with not-so-great memories. If you can’t avoid that, then don’t repeatedly say, “Oh! My ex and I hung out here! That was really fun!” Because I couldn’t avoid the area, I was the idiot who kept repeatedly talking about my ex. It was awkward, and she felt uncomfortable. Whoops.”

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Courtesy Sony Pictures Publicity

It’s highly likely that you’ve heard of Jay Chou before—he’s the Taiwanese singer-songwriter behind hits such as “Cute Girl (Ke Ai Nu Ren),” “Simple Love (Jian Dan Ai),” and “Silence (An Jing).” If you haven’t heard the original songs, you may have seen YouTube covers by Mandarin and non-Mandarin speakers alike (our favorite: sisters Riney and Bam, who used Chou’s music to learn Chinese), or heard his catchy melodies while singing karaoke.

If you’re a fan (or if you grew up in Asia), you may have even caught him on the big screen. He’s acted in movies such as “Initial D” and “Curse of the Green Flower,” and even directed a movie called “Secret” in 2007, with a sequel planned for next year.

But if you haven’t heard of Jay Chou before, get ready to get introduced to him in January, with his first foray into Hollywood as Kato in “The Green Hornet.”

Courtesy Sony Pictures Publicity

“I’ve always felt an affinity toward movie adaptations of comic books,” Chou said. In fact, his first starring role was in “Initial D,” an adaptation of a Japanese manga series. But Chou has chosen what is far from a low-pressure role to introduce himself to American audiences. Aside from an immense fanbase of its own, “The Green Hornet” also stars A-listers such as Seth Rogen and Cameron Diaz.

“When I was chosen for the role, I was extremely excited,” Chou said. “This is an opportunity for people to get to know me, especially those who don’t know my music.”

Not that Chou really needs the additional exposure. He got into music at age four, when, like many Taiwanese children before and after him, his mother pressured him to study piano—and study it hard. He recalls how strict she was, making sure he practiced every day, but he also credits her with building the foundation of his musical career. And when he started listening to pop music, he decided to take a stab at writing his own songs as well. Since then, he has become possibly the most recognized pop star in Asia, with hit after hit, album after album.

Chou’s musical success has always been somewhat of a safety net for him. When auditioning for the role, he wasn’t too stressed.

“Movies are a sort of hobby for me,” he said. “Music is my business.”

Courtesy Sony Pictures Publicity

But when Hong Kong actor Stephen Chow dropped out of “The Green Hornet” and the role was given to Chou, he gave it his all. Aside from studying Kung Fu and driving techniques (the original Kato was a valet for main character Britt Reid), Chou had to work hard on his English.

“In between filming, I had to practice my English, which was very tiring,” he said. “Even as a student, I was never good at English, so getting reacclimated was nerve-wracking. My only relief was the director, who told me my English was getting better and better.”

Another difficult part of filming “The Green Hornet” was getting the comedy right.

“I’m not a funny person,” Chou said. “As a singer, I put on a cool persona, and rarely joke around. But when acting with Seth Rogen, who is hilarious, I had to try to be just as funny as he is. And that’s hard.”

If audiences respond well, Chou could become an international star—one of the most difficult barriers for Asian artists to break through. But even if they don’t, Chou is grateful that his career has allowed him to be selective about his projects, and make only the type of music and movies he is passionate about. As he should—Chou is nothing if not a hard worker. As 2010 wraps, he is getting ready to go promote “The Green Hornet” internationally with cast and crew. In January, he’ll play concerts in Los Angeles and San Francisco to further promote his music and movies. And finally, while he plans to keep acting in 2011, he hasn’t lost sight of his claim to fame.

“I put out a new album every year—that’s an absolute must.”

Note: This e-mail interview, conducted in Mandarin, has been translated into English by Mochi editors.

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Courtesy Wilfred Chan

Like runway strobe lights prepared to guide a supersonic airplane to takeoff, electronic drums pulse and clang, lining the first verse of the hit single, “Like A G6.” But there is no airstrip here—I’m standing in Times Square, and instead of thundering jet engines I am surrounded by a horde of screaming fans, who literally cause the air to shake with a roar of recognition as Far East Movement plays the first notes of their latest and most infectious song.

I had the chance to sit down with Far East Movement backstage right before their Hard Rock Café performance back in October, in an attempt to capture them at a new turning point in their success as artists. The recent rise of the group (abbreviated FM) has been as quick as the private jet referenced in the song name; “G6” has shot the group’s four members from the cement to the stratosphere, grabbing both #1 on iTunes and the coveted #1 spot on Billboard’s Hot 100. The song itself is now ubiquitous—conceived in LA’s Koreatown as a staple of California clubs, it has charted on lists across the world and has people of all backgrounds feeling “so fly like a G6.”

Courtesy Wilfred Chan

What is unknown to many new fans is that Far East Movement is comprised of four Asian American artists who go by the names Kev Nish, Prohgress, J-Splif and DJ Virman. While they may appear to be fresh faces, the group has already been in the music business for years.

Sitting across from me on a couch in a back office of Hard Rock Café, Kev Nish described the evolution of their band.

“When we first started, we would record music in the attic of a homie’s crib… so we would take an old school computer, big monitor, plug it in, RadioShack mic and record music. The first song we ever did was a song about our lifestyle. We wanted an international outlook on downtown LA—a generation that’s not defined by any specific genre but a mixture of your playlist.”

Flash-forward about a decade to the present and three studio albums later, the group’s core creativity has survived undiluted. Kev Nish recounted how a Cherrytree Records executive told them, “You guys have a party that we want to be invited to,” upon signing the band. Given the license to forge their own sound, the band described wanting to create something different and refreshing: “We fused everything we were a fan of, everything that inspired us: hip hop, pop, electronic, alternative, put it all into one—created that sound and called it Free Wired.”

Courtesy Wilfred Chan

As they spoke, I couldn’t help but notice a remarkable ease and poise about the four musicians, who seem as relaxed minutes before the concert debut of their new album as any friends might be on a regular weekend afternoon.

“We’ve been homies for so long,” explained Prohgress. “You gotta make sure that all four of us are on the same page with everything, whether it’s our ties, or whatever, everything has to be straight… we’re like brothers now to an extent.”

When I asked them about their recent success on national charts, especially in light of being the leaders of Asian American music in the American mainstream, the group remained steadfastly humble.

“We’re really proud,” said Kev Nish. “We really appreciate the fact that the [Asian American community] sees it that way, and we appreciate the fact that they’re proud. And at the end of the day, we grew up in downtown Los Angeles; we grew up as American kids. For us, the struggle of being an artist, as it is—we want to inspire everyone equally, anyone that’s creative, that’s trying to pursue their dreams.”

Part of their effort to inspire includes helping out with 4c The Power, a non-profit organization that provides training in the arts by professional artists for the youth. When FM first started, they never had anyone to talk to in terms of how to make music, and relied on trial and error. As a means of giving back, they teach workshops for kids on how to write songs to help build confidence in the community (the four C’s stand for culture, community, creativity, career).

“It’s really cool because the kids—they actually have more ideas than we do,” said Prohgress. “We might use a couple of those ideas for the next album ‘cause they didn’t copyright it or nothing,” he joked. “Nah, but it’s just a lot of fun working with them. And we work with them the same way that we make our music—it’s just a big round table—we’re clowning each other, he’s making fun of my glasses, and we’re just having a good time.”

Thinking of our dear readers, I couldn’t help but ask if they are currently single before we wrapped up. Sighing slightly, they all affirmed that they were.

“But you know what, right now we’d probably be the worst boyfriends in the world, because we’re traveling,” said Kev Nish. “Our careers are important to us, and we’re never home. So you know that definitely doesn’t make for good husband material.” Here, Prohgress was quick to inject his own thoughts: “Aw man, it’s a Free Wired world, you know, I could be Skypin’ with her all the time.”

As the band members each shared their thoughts on their ideal girls, answers ranged from “stays on the computer” to “ten toes, ten fingers.” However, in the end they all agreed that it was about being “Free Wired”—being open-minded, confident, able to “geek out,” and having “good taste in music.”

Moments before heading out onto stage, I asked FM what was going on in their minds and what they do to prepare.

“We’re humbled, and we’re flattered, you know,” admitted J-Splif. “We’re nervous, we’re excited, we’re stoked, all of that jumbled into one little bowl, so we’ll see what happens when we get out there.”

Prohgress added, “Always gotta get our prayer in, gotta get a rehearsal in, and always gotta probably get on the chat for a couple minutes. If you guys ever wanna hit us up, we’re always online—Facebook, all that, Twitter… go on our website, we’re always blogging, doing all that.”

As each member came up to me afterward and graciously thanked me and Mochi for the interview, I felt a visceral excitement for the group and their immense promise. Not only are they a success story for the Asian American community, but they are a testament to the power of dedication and an example of justly rewarded creativity and talent. It was a rare treat to talk to Far East Movement at this major turning point in their career, and it is nothing short of thrilling to see where they will go in the future.

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Courtesy Penguin Group

Internet gurus (and Mochi alums) Teresa and Serena Wu first began documenting the funny things their mothers said in October 2008, when they created humor blog My Mom is a Fob. The site was such an immediate hit that they ended up getting several book offers. We got together with the two good friends, Teresa (currently working for Google in New York) and Serena (a design consultant based in San Francisco) to chat about their upcoming book, fobby moms and becoming an author. Look out for their book, “My Mom Is A Fob,” with an introduction by comedian Margaret Cho, in stores on January 4.

MOCHI: How did the two of you meet?
TW: I’ve known Serena since known preschool, apparently. But I don’t remember being friends…I only know this because we have pictures together!
SW: We started chatting again in high school, I believe?
TW: Yes, mainly because of journalism class. I was editor-in-chief and she was the special features editor of our school newspaper.

MOCHI: How did the idea of the blog come along?
TW: Late one random night, we talked about how funny it would be to start a blog about the funny things our moms say. So we just went on Tumblr and started posting at that moment…
SW: Within a week there were over 60,000 page views! It was surreal but awesome.

MOCHI: Since Teresa is now based in New York, you guys are on opposite coasts. How is the work divided?
TW: Updating the blog is not extremely time consuming—we do it about once a week. Serena is in charge of My Dad is a Fob [the spin-off site] and I oversee My Mom is a Fob.
SW: With the launch of the book, we’ve been receiving many emails with questions regarding publicity events and all that is going on as a result of the launch. If anything, it’s harder to keep up with responding than it is maintaining the blog.

MOCHI: How does it feel like to be approached by a publisher and have a published book at such a young age?
SW: It was exciting, but because we were so new to it, it felt like we were actually behind the wave. Most bloggers who had book offers had their books published way before us. We weren’t experienced with the process, so it took us longer than most authors.

MOCHI: Can you explain and describe the process of going from blog to book deal to publishing?
SW: Four or five agents approached us, and we ended up choosing Writer’s House (who also represents Stephanie Meyer, the author of the Twilight series). Our agent left shortly after we signed, so we communicated directly with our publisher. It was up to us to tread the waters on own and we took the initiative to communicate with our publisher Perigee, a division of Penguin Group.  After that, there was just a whole lot of editing for the both of us—but it has been a wonderful ride.

MOCHI: What advice do you have for girls out there who want to become writers or publish a book?
TW: If you want to be a writer today, there is a lot of competition. Many people are willing to do it for a byline, so you really have to be strong willed and have a hard working personality and immense drive. You have to be truly passionate about it, because you might not get a lot of recognition in the beginning.
SW: I would consider myself a designer more than a writer, but when you first start off, as Teresa mentioned, you really have to pay your dues. My first gigs, I was working for no compensation. But it allowed me to gain experience and build up a portfolio for future opportunities.

MOCHI: Why do you think the book’s theme resonates so well with Mochi readers?
SW: I feel like as an Asian American, our parents are predominately first generation immigrants, and we all share the same communication and cultural barriers. Some of us may feel like they may have to blend into American culture or that there is no happy medium for our identities. We get a lot of emails from fans, saying “Thank you for creating MMIAF/MDIAF,” because it allows them to embrace their differences and not be ashamed of it.  I believe the blog has created a space for Asian Americans to share experiences and connect.

MOCHI: What is your relationship like with your moms?
TW: I’m pretty close to my mom. I call her two to three times a week just to catch up. I know I am the most important person in her life, and she makes me feel that way… It’s cheesy but true. I think the same can be said about most Asian parents. We know we owe them so much for pretty much dedicating their whole lives to working in order to make ours better.
SW: My relationship with my mom is a little more atypical – she travels a lot for one to two months at a time, so we communicate mostly through email, Facebook and Twitter. We have more of an e-lationship where she likes to stalk me online. She will even comment on my sister’s profile to reach me because she’s on my limited profile. But it’s nice that she’s tech-savvy so we can communicate via social media. She even has her own blog!

To win a copy of the book, submit your own Mom and Dad FOB moments in the comments below. Three winners will be chosen. Good luck!

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Face it—guys can be confusing. To find out what they really look for in girls, we went straight to the source and asked college guys across the nation for their thoughts. Here’s what they said.

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Photo by Dave Austria

The downfall began when I had a three-month streak of bad romantic relationships that year. One of the guys I dated went so far as to tell me that he had never wanted to be with me in the first place—from there, my self-esteem took a major hit. I internalized every negative feeling I had about myself, assuming that the reasons people didn’t want to be with me was because of something I had done. I was constantly unhappy, and even told friends I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled or been truly happy. I kept saying the same things over and over again, until several of my friends wanted nothing to do with me. The only time I mentioned it to my parents was once when I told my dad a little of what had happened—but then I told him I had put it all behind me. This depression, I felt, was my own problem, one that most people wouldn’t want to hear about because nobody truly cared. I felt so low that I contemplated suicide, both at the end of last year and during the summer.

Once I was in that spiral, there were some brighter points that showed me there were alternatives to keeping it all in. I was part of a discussion group that focused on APA issues. They became my family at college, and I trusted them enough to one day tell them about my depression. They were the ones who convinced me to go to the student counseling services offered at my school. Several of them also put themselves out there and offered to talk to me whenever I needed it, so I could have a place to let out my feelings.

I called the counseling services, and after a short phone questionnaire to determine what I needed, I was given an appointment slot with one of the staff psychologists. Unfortunately, there was a one-month waiting time. I went for three sessions, all with a woman who spent a lot of time listening to what I had to say. I wasn’t offered advice, but rather an idea of why I was behaving the way I was. She was nice, and her insights were interesting, but by the time I got there I had had enough time to feel better on my own. There was nothing overly clinical or intimidating about the process, but I felt like I had gotten past the need.

Just as there were ups, there were also downs by the time summer rolled around again. I found out that a friend had been making unkind remarks about me behind my back, and all of the problems flooded my emotions again. Finally, in what felt like a last-minute save, I met an amazing guy (somewhat ironically, through an ex who was badmouthing me on Facebook). He has supported me ever since we met, and has always encouraged and supported me as I tried to mend my other relationships. He’s gotten me to love myself again.

All of the things that happened to me were because of my relationships with others, but in the end, I think that’s because those relationships influence our lives the most. One of the most important things I’ve learned is that no matter how close your friends are, sometimes you need to talk to a counselor. I had been repeating the same things for so long because nobody knew what to say, but counselors are trained in that aspect. Most colleges have a counseling service for students, and they will recommend outside services if needed. If you don’t like the counselor you’re given, which has happened to me, request another one. Sometimes, talking to a friend is enough, but keep in mind that they aren’t trained to help like professionals. And finally, seek counseling as soon as you’re feeling the least bit upset or depressed. The earlier you go, the better chance you will have to address the issue and move past it quickly. Dealing with depression is tough, but everyone needs some sort of supportive relationship to move past it. Just find the person you can go to any time, and say, “I need to talk.”

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Courtesy Corie Howel

Myth: Everyone’s doing it.
Truth: Less than half of high school students have had sex, according to studies.

It might seem like everyone’s doing it, but the numbers show that only 42 percent of high school girls are having sex and only 43 percent of teenage boys—a very slight difference. In fact, one study found that 68 percent of teenage boys said they could be happy in a relationship without sex. So, the false impression that everyone’s having sex and that it’s the “normal” thing shouldn’t play a part in your desire or decision to do it.

Myth: You can’t get pregnant if you’re on your period.
Truth: You can still get pregnant from sex while menstruating. “Timing” your cycle is not a reliable form of birth control.

This all has to do with a woman’s ovulation schedule, or when an egg is released from the ovaries. Since most women begin ovulating between days 11 and 21, where day one is the first day of your period, you’re unlikely to become pregnant when menstruating. But not all women follow a regular cycle, and it’s possible for those with irregular or short cycles to still be ovulating during their period. Also keep in mind that sperm can live inside the vagina for five to seven days after intercourse, so pregnancy is still possible if ovulation begins in the first week of the cycle. Keep in mind that mid-cycle spotting can sometimes be mistaken for menstruation—don’t get the two confused!

Myth: You can get herpes from someone infected with the virus, even if he/she has no open sores.
Truth: You can only get herpes when the infected person is experiencing an outbreak—but not all outbreaks have visible sores or symptoms.

Herpes, which can lay dormant for long periods of time, can only be transferred through skin-to-skin contact with someone who is infected and experiencing an outbreak. Typically, herpes outbreaks are marked by sores or blisters, but some outbreaks have no visible symptoms. In that case, even though no open sores can be seen, you can still be infected by herpes.

Cold sores around the mouth area are also considered herpes outbreaks. Cold sores are mouth-to-mouth transferrable, but herpes also can be transferred via oral sex. If you have a cold sore outbreak around your mouth and give your partner oral sex, your partner can get genital herpes. The opposite also applies—if you have genital herpes, you can give your partner cold sores.

Myth: Using two condoms is better than using just one.
Truth: Using more than one condom is actually less effective.

Otherwise known as “double bagging,” using two condoms actually makes sex less safe. The friction between the two condoms can cause them to tear more easily. Instead, you should just stick with one condom, which is 85 to 95 percent effective in preventing pregnancy when used properly.

Condoms can be used in conjunction with other female contraceptives such as birth control pills, cervical caps or spermicides. Do NOT use a male condom with a female condom, for the same reasons you should never use two male condoms at once.

Myth: The emergency contraceptive pill is a reliable form of birth control.
Truth: Emergency contraception is not fail proof. Many other forms of contraception are more effective, and emergency contraceptive should only be used as a backup.

Emergency contraceptive pill (ECP), or the morning after pill, is a way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex or when another method of birth control fails. It works by giving your body a high dose of hormones that disrupts ovulation, prevents fertilization or disallows the fertilized egg to attach to the uterus wall. If you vomit immediately after taking the ECP, it may not be effectively absorbed into your body and you might need another dose—check the instructions or consult a doctor.

Emergency contraceptive pills are effective up to five days (120 hours) after unprotected sex, but as time increases, the effectiveness decreases. It is recommended you take the ECP as soon as possible. For many brands, the pill can be up to 95 percent effective in preventing pregnancy within 24 hours of having unprotected sex, but a woman who relies on the ECP for birth control over the course of a year has a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant, even when taken promptly and properly. The ECP should not be a replacement for the birth control pill or other forms of conventional birth control.

Myth: Birth control pills can protect you from STIs.
Truth: Birth control pills only protect against pregnancy, when used properly.

Most birth control pills work by disrupting ovulation, so that during intercourse there is no egg for the sperm to fertilize. This leaves no barrier to block out STIs, which can all be transferred even if you are on the birth control pill, including HIV/AIDS, herpes, chlamydia, etc. See Mochi’s rundown of the most common STIs for more details.

Myth: As soon as you start taking birth control pills, they will start protecting you.
Truth: Birth control pills can take up to seven days to become effective.

If you are just starting to take birth control pills or are switching between different kinds of pills, it can take seven days for the regimen to effectively prevent pregnancy. For the first week, you should also use another method of birth control, like condoms, or you’ll still risk pregnancy.

If you skip a pill, be sure to use backup birth control until your next cycle, as the birth control pill regimen will be rendered less effective. Also, be cautious if you’re sick—if the pill is vomited out before it is fully absorbed into your body, or if you’re on certain antibiotics, the birth control pill will also be less effective. Be sure to tell your doctor if you are on the pill and consult your gynecologist.

Myth: You can use someone else’s birth control pills.
Truth: You should only use birth control pills prescribed specifically for you.

You need a prescription to get birth control pills for a reason. A doctor or medical professional should always assess if your body is suited for birth control, based on your medical history. There are certain conditions that may make the pill less effective or even dangerous to take—if you smoke, for example. And just because you’ve been approved for birth control in the past doesn’t mean it is okay to take birth control now. Your medical condition can change with time. There are also several types and brands of birth control pills, including the “combination” pill (a combination of progesterone and estrogen) and the “mini” pill (low-dose progesterone), and your doctor can help you figure out which is best for you.

Myth: “Pulling out” is an effective form of birth control.
Truth: Pulling out can be effective if done properly, but it very often is not and should not be relied on.

If pulling out is executed at the correct time and the sperm is properly directed away from the vagina, it can be an effective form of birth control. But there’s a great risk that the guy may fail at doing so, whether it’s because he’s not fast enough, doesn’t have enough advance warning, or gets caught up in the moment. Even if he does manage to pull out and ejaculates outside the vagina, sperm can actually still swim up the vagina and fertilize the egg. Pre-ejaculate fluid, which contains residual sperm from prior ejaculations, can also transmit STIs even if it is not likely to cause pregnancy. It’s still safer to use regulated forms of birth control, which leave less room for error.

Myth: Any pregnancy prevention method that doesn’t include abstinence or birth control.
Truth: You can get pregnant if…

• you have sex standing up
• you have sex in a pool
• you’re a virgin and it’s your first time
• you douche or shower afterward
• the girl is on top
• the girl doesn’t have an orgasm
• you jump up and down after sex
• the girl presses hard on her belly button after sex

The only way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence or using birth control. Position doesn’t matter, nor does virginity. Douching after sex may actually force the sperm further up the vaginal canal rather than preventing them from fertilizing the egg. And the amount of pleasure you experience during sex is completely unrelated to pregnancy.

Myth: The first time is always painful if you’re a girl.
Truth: It can, but does not always.

For a girl, losing her virginity can be painful when the hymen, a thin layer of tissue covering the opening of the vagina, tears. When this happens, the hymen often bleeds a little. However, it can tear from playing sports or horseback riding, so a girl might not necessarily bleed when she loses her virginity. Everyone experiences different amounts of pain.

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Over the years, my parents and I have developed an unspoken agreement to converse in our respective languages. When my mom asks me (in Chinese) what I would like for lunch today, my default answer is “Whatever’s in the fridge.” Or my dad might sit next to me and deliver another lecture on why getting adequate sleep is important for my health. “I know, I know, I’ll try to go to bed earlier next time,” I mutter in English like the typical American teenager.

I don’t see anything unusual about this arrangement, but I seem to be an anomaly among my Mandarin-speaking friends. Whenever I visit their homes, I hear them switching effortlessly between speaking English to me and conversing fluently in Chinese with their parents. There’s almost always that awkward moment in which a friend’s mom asks if I can speak Chinese as well, and I tell them no, not really—I can only understand it.

“Nonsense! If you can understand it, you can speak it,” is her usual response. Then she cajoles me to talk to her in Chinese. I shake my head, saying that I have the worst American accent. My face is on fire at this point, and I can hear the undercurrent behind what my friend’s parent is saying: Are you really Chinese? They have a point. Sometimes I feel this part of my cultural identity doesn’t fit me well, and I don’t know if I can really call myself Chinese if I’m afraid of speaking the language.

But cultural identities aside, the split of two languages in my life seems to characterize how I relate to everyone around me. There’s an American me and a Taiwanese me, both inwardly and outwardly.

At school, I am known for my introversion. I use my modest voice, even around friends. My parents generally don’t let me hang out with friends outside of school, and I am sometimes baffled by the fact that some teenagers I know have the freedom to visit their friends any time they’d like. To do the same thing, I’d have to ask my parents about two weeks in advance.

At home, however, I shift into a more relaxed and extroverted version of myself. My parents perceive me as opinionated and rather silly-headed—the book-smart but clueless eldest daughter. I don’t exactly fit the mold of the “ideal” Taiwanese child. I’m squandering thousands of dollars of my parents’ money to major in English in college. I would rather dream up ridiculous ideas for fantasy novels than make a living in medicine or law.

I’ve been trying to fit together these two aspects of my identity for 17 years, but now I’ve realized that maybe I’m seeing a conflict where there really isn’t one. There’s no American or Taiwanese script for me to follow. And no matter which language I’m speaking, what’s really important is that I know exactly how to express who I am.

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Sex is everywhere. It’s harmonized in metaphoric lyrics, illustrated in steamy movie scenes and featured in provocative billboards and magazine ads. Regardless of your gender or relationship status, sex inevitably will cross your mind at one point or another. Yet, particularly among the Asian American community, it is rarely an open topic of discussion, and talking about it is a taboo. This makes it extra difficult for us because we often simultaneously identify with our American peers, speaking more openly about sex, and are bound by Asian cultural norms, which don’t promote sexual expression or behavior.

Think back to the time when your parents gave you the “sex talk”—did you even get one? I didn’t. Everything I learned about sex was through friends, school and the honest relationship I’ve built with my gynecologist. This makes a lot of sense, since sex obviously is a very personal topic—and it’s not exactly easy to share the intimate details of your sex life with your friends, let alone, your parents. Moreover, talking about the risks that come with sex, like STIs and pregnancy, can be overwhelming. In fact, according to the National Asian Women’s Health Organization, more than half of Asian American women are uncomfortable talking about sexual and reproductive health with their mothers and even more so with their fathers and brothers.

One reason why Asian culture isn’t as open about sex as others is that it’s never been “normal” to talk about sex. It partly comes down to how you can almost bet that your parents disapprove of premarital sex. This belief is so widespread that it’s essentially become taboo to talk about any aspect of sex, not to mention sexual health, in fear that discussing it would encourage you to become sexually active. In fact, these opinions are agreed upon by all Asian American ethnic groups, according to a study conducted by Advocates For Youth, an organization that promotes effective reproductive and sexual health programs for adolescents in the U.S. My own parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents never spoke of their romantic or sexual history and shamelessly preached against premarital sex because they were afraid that talking about sex would make it seem like they are condoning it—even though they never actually explained this concern.

Another part of this problem is that Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders lack access to sex and STD education services that fit their needs of sharing two different cultural norms. While sex might be openly discussed in an outside environment, like in school or through media, hard-line views at home may discourage Asian American and Pacific Islander teens to take necessary measures for ensuring sexual health. They can be more reluctant to discuss sexual concerns with a doctor and utilize other sex education services because it makes them look like they are sexually active, which their families would not likely approve. If their sexual identity is different from the heterosexual norm, being open with family members and getting the support they need can be even more difficult.

Due to this lack of access to safe sex education and resources, while Asian Americans tend to have lower rates of HIV and STDs than other racial and ethnic groups, they also have the lowest HIV testing rate. According to the Banyan Tree Project, a national social marketing campaign to stop HIV/AIDS-related stigma in Asian American and Pacific Islander communities, 69 percent of Asian Americans and 56 percent of Pacific Islanders have never been tested for HIV. HIV infection among Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders is also growing at a rate higher than any other racial or ethnic group—14.3 percent increase for women and 8.1 percent for men between 2001 and 2004, according to a Center for Disease Control report. Furthermore, 40 percent of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders almost or never discuss safe sex or condoms with their sexual partner, according to the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center.

So why aren’t Asian Americans getting tested? As with anything else related to sex, there is a lack of communication in the community about why testing is important. Beside the cultural norms within the community, like associating STIs with promiscuity and drug use, underlying problems also include cultural stereotypes that enforce the stigma surrounding sex. Under the model minority model, Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders are identified as intelligent, wealthy and successful, and the model has become a universal social mask that hides issues like individual health and educational needs. And when Asian American women feel pressured to conform to the stereotype of innocence and passiveness, they might be further discouraged to speak out or visit a gynecologist.

But we should all care about getting the conversation going, especially when health issues like STIs are involved. “STIs don’t care about your race, your socioeconomic status, or how educated you are,” reasoned Dr. Michelle Sia, associate director of the residency program and instructor of obstetrics and gynecology at Boston University. We can make sex less of a taboo by simply accepting it as a very real part of our lives and talking about it openly with our friends and family. You can start by talking to your parents about your relationship with your partner and how you’re both respectful and honest with each other.

Even if your efforts don’t get through to your parents or other adults, you can try speaking with other young women. Dr. Sia pointed out, “Your parents aren’t the only ones who can help educate you about safe sex and offer advice.” At least you’ll have shown them you’ve maturely thought things through, and there is always someone helpful out there to talk to. Yes, sex may be very personal and intimate. But in the end, talking about it will help us—and our many relationships—be healthier.

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Things seemed amazing with him at first, she said, but it went downhill from there.

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“It started off slowly,” she said. “[He asked me] why I didn’t call every day. He became more controlling. He would get mad if I didn’t tell him everything about my day or if I didn’t pick up the phone soon enough.”

April spent more than a year in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend, but it wasn’t until she broke up with him and experienced an emotional meltdown that she knew she was a victim of relationship abuse. “I had never thought of myself as someone who could be abused,” she said.

Relationship abuse happens when one person behaves or acts in a way that is meant to control the other. As for April, it is common for women who are or have experienced relationship abuse not to acknowledge being a victim because it can be emotional, physical, sexual or even financial.

“My husband would hit me with the back of his hand rather than his palm because he thought it would hurt more,” said Tammy*, 43. “He also took over my finances and didn’t give me money for food or clothes. I was a stay-at-home mom and I had to take care of my baby, so I couldn’t get a job.”

It’s often hard for us to see the situation we are in while we are in it, explained Mandy Mount, director of the Campus Assault and Resources Education program at the University of California, Irvine. And regardless of the difficulties in acknowledging it, the most recent statistics gathered by the American Bar Association reveal that more than eight out of every 10 Asian American women experience some form of relationship violence, and nearly six out of every 10 women have experienced psychological abuse alone.

These women often suffer abuse quietly because they feel ashamed of their victimization. The result is not only a continuation of the abuse, but feelings of loneliness—so the women continue to suffer alone.

“I didn’t dare to tell my parents because I was afraid they would think I was weak,” Tammy said, “and I had chosen a wrong husband—made a bad decision yet again.”

For women like Tammy, Mount said, “the greater the isolation, the more dangerous the relationship can be for a person. The longer a person is in a relationship, the greater the impact on the victim, and the more difficult it may be for a person to leave that relationship.”

Help could start inching further away as a relationship gets more abusive. April said she just couldn’t talk to her close friends openly. “At first I told a few girlfriends when things were bothering me,” April said. “As time went on, I stopped telling people because I [also] thought it was a reflection upon myself. I think in the end that hurt me the most.”

Isolation from sources of support isn’t always self-imposed, however. “He started cutting me off from my friends,” April said of her boyfriend. Eventually, she drifted away from her friends and stopped talking to them about problems she was having with her boyfriend.

Cultural values can also play a large role in stifling cries for help. Asian American women, particularly those in same-sex or interracial relationships, have to contend with long-standing traditional gender roles and ideas on race and love.

April said, even to this day, her father hasn’t talked to her about her ex-boyfriend because the situation was a “womanly” matter to talk about, of which he—as a man—was expected to stay out. “If he had seen me crying for any other reason, he would’ve come to my rescue,” she said. “But as an Asian father, the ‘woman’s realm’ isn’t something he knows how to deal with.”

On the other hand, Tammy had difficulty finding support from friends who upheld traditional views on husband-and-wife roles. “I told some of my friends that he was beating me up,” Tammy said of her ex-husband. “They told me, ‘That’s normal for a man to do. You just need to learn to please him.’” (Tammy added that she no longer talks to the women who gave her that advice.)

The (Un)heard Voices publication by the Family Violence Prevention Fund in San Francisco, Calif. showed how relationship violence was a big, but often unheard issue, especially among Asian American women. Many Filipinas stay silent because they believe it would be against their religion to speak up and thus defy their partners, while a number of South Asian women say their dowries take away their entitlement to disobey men, notably their husbands.

Bearing this cultural barrier to seeking and getting help in mind, some colleges and universities are bringing resources into their guidance counseling programs that reach out specifically to students of different cultural backgrounds.

At an institution such as University of California, Irvine, where more than half of the student population is Asian American, programs such as CARE are particularly helpful. Among other services, it offers a “Building Better Relationships” workshop, which has attracted students from varying cultural backgrounds.

“Services are designed with the idea in mind that it’s not always comfortable to seek counseling for all students,” Mount said. “The Workshop series is something our students have been much more comfortable in joining.”

But therapy is neither a cure nor treatment for relationship abuse victims. Rather, it is a way for victims to start the healing process—as difficult as that may be.

April has been attending therapy sessions through her university for nearly a year and half., but when her therapist first explained and introduced her to a women’s empowerment group, April said, “I was so shocked, I just ran from it.” She didn’t think she would become a victim—of anything.

While April’s mother opposed her decision to go to therapy, because it wasn’t “normal,” April stressed that she needed help, and the two now have an understanding: “Staying at school late” means going to a therapy session.

“Healing is something you have to do yourself,” April said. “But therapy is definitely a tool for getting you to your goals. You know you are okay as long as you can keep breathing.”

Alternatively, Tammy’s daughter became her inspiration for speaking out against the abuse she was experiencing and seeking help from her family. “I watched her grow and then decided this wasn’t the life I wanted for her or myself,” Tammy said. And though she had lived with her husband for two years, she’s been breathing more easily since she moved back to her mother’s house. The couple divorced a year after she moved out.

If you’re experiencing relationship abuse, Mochi has compiled a number of resources you can reach out to. Among the first steps some women take to heal is calling a hotline, where they can talk about how they are feeling confidentially or seeking community resources that offer counseling.

April emphasizes for women coping with relationship abuse: “You can live without him. You know yourself better than he does, and you don’t need him to make you happy.”

And to those recovering, she says, “Only you can change this from a nightmare to a happy ending. You can let him keep making your life miserable or you can move onto bigger and better things, but they’re only going to come if you try.”

Or if you have friends who may be experiencing relationship abuse and you want to help, Mount recommends talking about concerns, friend-to-friend, in a safe environment.

“Directly acknowledge what is observed first. ‘How’ questions are [also] very good,” Mount suggested. “Ask, ‘How can I be there for you? How can I help you? How can I support you?’”

Creating this safe place to talk is an important element in encouraging discussion. “Validate friendship and the power in that person,” Mount said. “Identify what are that person’s strengths, so she doesn’t feel stigmatized, but acknowledge that she’s a whole person.”

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But for all you romantics out there, take heart: Having a serious relationship in college is possible. I never expected to be in a long-term relationship myself, and now I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years in college. While there’s no magical formula to making a relationship work, I’ve determined a few key elements that have kept my own relationship healthy for so long.

First of all, having a balance of common and different interests is very important. My boyfriend and I are both foodies, so on dates we always go out to eat in Koreatown or Little Tokyo. We’re also both geeks at heart, so we’ll enjoy catching a few episodes of Pawn Stars on the History Channel together on a weeknight. But we also have very different academic interests: My boyfriend is studying architecture and I’m a business major. Yet this actually helps our relationship because we tend to look at things from varying perspectives, which often results in interesting and lively conversations.

College life can get pretty hectic, so time management is key. As sophomore and junior year rolled around and classes got more demanding, it quickly became difficult for my boyfriend and I to find quality time for each other. Our busy schedules contributed to some of the worst rough patches in our relationship. But once we realized how much we cared about and respected each other, we decided to make a stronger commitment to finding that time, especially by doing something new once in awhile, like an impromptu scenic drive.

Spontaneity is another factor that keeps a relationship strong. One year, we randomly decided to take a trip to Disneyland before our final exams because we were sick of studying and needed a breather. It turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made— we had a blast and it strengthened our relationship.

Lastly, trust is an ultimate necessity to a strong relationship—not only in college, but at any point in your life. With weekly parties and other fish in the sea, it can be tempting to get distracted. Trust is something that develops with time, through actions like being consistently affectionate, considerate and loyal, or perhaps making an outright commitment from the get-go that you are exclusive.

Ultimately, a relationship is a very strong commitment that you make to another person—and if you don’t think that’s right for your current life, there’s nothing wrong with being single, having casual relationships or just taking the time to figure out what you really want in a significant other.

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As we near the harshest months of winter, all we want to do is to stay inside with our warm blankets and hibernate. Unfortunately, with classes or work, we’re forced to go out into the brutal conditions and deal with it. To help you get through the cold days, our staff compiled a list of useful tips for surviving the winter days.

Photo Courtesy Steph Wu

Photo Courtesy Christine Wei

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When you’re sexually active, it’s important to find a method of birth control that fits your lifestyle if you’re not ready to become pregnant. The only way to completely prevent pregnancy (or STIs) is not to have sex, but there are also a number of contraceptives that can greatly reduce these risks. Dr. Michelle Sia, an instructor of obstetrics and gynecology at Boston University’s school of medicine, recommends speaking with a gynecologist who can review your medical history and personal needs with you to make the best choice. In the meantime, here’s an overview of available methods of birth control and their benefits and drawbacks. Please note that condoms are the only method here that protects against STIs, so all other methods should still be used with condoms.

Birth Control Pills
Birth control pills, also known as “the pill,” are pills that primarily use hormones to prevent ovulation, also known as releasing an egg during each menstrual cycle. There are a variety of pills that have different percentages of estrogen and progestin or just progestin, so Dr. Sia recommends experimenting (based on a doctor’s suggestions) with different pills to help you find the best one that fits your lifestyle and needs. The pill is 99.9 percent effective against pregnancy, but is often preferred for its additional benefits—it regulates menstrual cycles, reduces symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), helps treat acne and protects against certain forms of cancer.

Some possible side effects of taking the pill include irregular bleeding, breakthrough bleeding, missed periods, breast tenderness, weight gain, headaches and nausea. These side effects generally occur during the first few months of use and tend to go away once your body gets used to the pill, but whether you experience side effects or not really depends on your body chemistry. Depending on your health insurance, the pill usually costs between $25 and $50 per pack.

Skin patch and vaginal ring
The skin patch and vaginal ring are also hormonal methods of birth control, with a combination of ovulation-regulating estrogen and progestin. The skin patch, changed weekly, releases hormones through your skin for a week and is 99 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. You use one patch for three weeks and no patch for the week of your menstrual period, wearing it on your lower abdomen, buttocks, upper arm or torso. The disadvantage to using the skin patch is that it doesn’t protect against STDs.

The vaginal ring is placed in the vagina for 3 weeks and changed monthly. Either you or your doctor can insert the ring, and on the first day of the fourth week, you remove the ring during your menstrual period. One disadvantage to using the ring is that it can fall off and you can forget to remove it and use a new one.

Potential side effects of the skin patch and vaginal ring are the same as the pill. They can cost between $15 and $50.

Intrauterine device (IUD)
An intrauterine device (IUD) is a small device placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. There are two types of IUDs: the copper IUD, such as Paragard, and the hormonal IUD, such as Mirena. Your gynecologist inserts the IUD in your uterus, and you must schedule a physical exam and STI test before having the IUD placed. The IUD can prevent pregnancy for five to ten years. The copper IUD has been seen to increase menstrual flow and make your period last longer. While the hormonal IUD can reduce your flow and cramping, it can also cause spotting, mood swings and breast tenderness

Condoms
Male and female condoms are 97 percent effective. While they can be used alone, as the only contraception that helps prevent STIs, condoms should also be used with any other method of birth control. The more popular male condom is made out of latex and rolled onto the penis to prevent semen and other secretions from entering the vagina. The reservoir tip at the end, about a half inch to an inch, collects semen and prevents breakage of the condom.

The female condom is a polyurethane sheath, with a more roundish shape than the male condom, and is less effective with a failure rate of 5 percent. These have a closed end, which is inserted into the vagina as a barrier for semen, and an open end, where the penis is inserted. For either condom, it’s the safest to just use one instead of two, and male condoms shouldn’t be used simultaneously with female condoms either. These are all available at your local pharmacy without a prescription as well as at clinics, some free of charge.

Although this and the other “barrier methods” below are not as effective as hormonal methods or IUDs, they have fewer side effects and can supplement another form of birth control.

Diaphragm, cervical cap and cervical shield
The diaphragm, cervical cap and cervical shield also prevent sperm from entering the uterus and fertilizing an egg. The diaphragm is a latex cap that covers the cervix, and in order to get one, you must see your gynecologist to get fitted. You’ll also have to add spermicide to the inside cap to prevent pregnancy. Similarly, the cervical cap is placed inside the vagina against the cervix to prevent sperm from entering. These are 91 percent effective.

Sponge
The sponge can be purchased at your local drugstore or clinic. Like condoms, the sponge is disposable after sex and contains spermicide. It is placed in the cervix and is 98 percent effective when used with a condom. You can use the sponge in a 12-hour period and not have to change it if you have sex more than once within that time.

Progestin injection
Birth control injections contain either the hormone progestin or a combination of progestin and estrogen. It is injected in the muscle of the arm or butt every 12-13 weeks. The injection is 99.7 percent effective and starts working about 24 hours after the receiving the shot. The disadvantage of using the injection is that it can lower bone density and cause weight gain and irregular periods. Your gynecologist will give you the injection, which costs about $40 each time.

Emergency Contraception
Emergency contraception pills (ECP), otherwise known as the morning-after pill, helps prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex (such as if you forget to take your birth control pill, the condom breaks or you don’t use a condom). With a larger dose of estrogen and progestin than normal birth control pills, ECP attempts to delay ovulation, prevent fertilization or disrupt a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterine lining. It can come in the form of one pill or two (taken 12 hours apart) and can reduce the chance of pregnancy up to 72 hours after unprotected sex.

While the morning-after pill is FDA-approved and 89 percent effective, it is a backup method to prevent pregnancy and should not be used on a regular basis. Seven out of eight women who would have gotten pregnant will not become pregnant with ECP, but a woman who uses ECP as regular birth control has a 20 percent chance of pregnancy, even when taken properly. Potential side effects include changes in your period, nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, dizziness and breast tenderness. You may have a heavier or lighter period, or it can come earlier or later after taking the emergency pill.

It’s important to note that ECP is not the “abortion pill” and won’t terminate an existing pregnancy.

The “Pull-Out” Method
Also known as withdrawal, the pull-out method is when a man pulls his penis out of the vagina before ejaculation. With this method, there are no side effects because no medication is involved, but the effectiveness of this method is disputed. Some say that the effectiveness is 73 percent if done correctly—but it very often is not, whether due to timing or other reasons. Though it is also disputed whether pre-ejaculation, or pre-cum, carries live sperm from a previous ejaculation, it can definitely transmit STIs.

Sterilization
Sterilization is a permanent procedure for both men and women that surgically prevents pregnancy, but this is an extreme method of birth control not usually used by young people. In tubal ligation or implants, a woman’s fallopian tubes, where the eggs are carried from the ovaries, are tied, cut or blocked. In a vasectomy for men, the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles are cut so that the semen no longer contains sperm. Post-operation effects include bleeding and nausea after surgery for women and swelling for men.

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Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transmitted whenever bodily fluids are exchanged, not just during vaginal sex. And while they’re the least fun topic when it comes to safe sex, as long as you’re sexually active, the truth is that you might end up harming your health with some very uncomfortable symptoms. In some cases, though rare, STIs can even cause infertility or become fatal, so it’s important to always use a condom, even if you’re using other forms of birth control. Protecting yourself is even more important considering that cures for infections, particularly bacterial ones, don’t always repair the damage done.

Below, we’ve broken down some signs of specific STIs that you should know. Unfortunately, symptoms don’t always present themselves right away, and some STIs have no symptoms at all, so you can get an STI and not even know it. This means it’s important for everyone to get tested every time you have a new sexual partner. You should also get tested if you start to experience some common symptoms like genital itching or sores, discharge and burning sensation during urination. You’ve probably heard this from many people before, and testing might seem tedious or scary. But it’s especially necessary amongst Asian Americans, who have the lowest testing HIV rate but biggest percent increase of contraction among all racial and ethnic groups. STI tests usually are done with urine or blood samples, and women can also get Pap smears to help prevent cervical cancer.

In the meantime, you can stay healthy by getting the facts. Here’s a brief rundown of common STIs and their symptoms:

Bacterial STIs

Chlamydia is known as the silent STI because the majority of those infected do not experience any symptoms. It is the most common STI and, if not treated properly, can develop into a pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) that can cause infertility and chronic pelvic pain. Some symptoms of chlamydia include vaginal or penile discharge, fever, bleeding between periods, burning sensation when peeing and fever. Chlamydia can be cured with antibiotics.

Gonorrhea, the second most common STI in the United States, can also lead to PID, and thus infertility if untreated. Some symptoms are sore throat, discharge from the vagina or penis, rectal pain or bleeding and burning sensation when urinating. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that about 700,000 people are infected with gonorrhea every year, and a majority of the cases are found in people between the ages of 15 and 29. Gonorrhea can be cured using antibiotics.

Syphilis is passed through skin-to-skin contact with affected areas or bodily fluids. Common symptoms include sores in the vagina, penis, anus, mouth, lips or tongue; fatigue; hair loss and skin rashes. Like those of chlamydia, symptoms of syphilis may not show up for years, but syphilis can be cured with an antibiotic if treated immediately. Left untreated, syphilis in its late stages can cause severe damage to internal organs, leading to paralysis, numbness, gradual blindness, dementia or even death.

Viral STIs

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) causes genital warts and may cause cervical cancer in women, who are at higher risk for this STI. There is currently no cure for HPV, but women can consider getting a HPV vaccine and help prevent cancer by taking yearly Pap tests. Most people who have HPV have recurring outbreaks of painful sores in the genital area, which usually come and go away in outbreaks. Some other symptoms are itchiness in the genitals, fever and headache during an outbreak, painful urination and lumps on the groin.

Hepatitis B can cause liver inflammation, liver failure and a host of other liver diseases. Hepatitis B cannot be cured, but there is a vaccine that will help clear up most infections. Common symptoms include nausea, jaundice, skin rashes, diarrhea, fever, headaches, discolored urine and loss of appetite. Like many STIs, people who are infected with hepatitis B may not experience any symptoms. Although Asian Americans have a particularly higher risk of contracting hepatitis B—representing more than half of the 1.4 to 2 million people infected in the U.S., according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services—most cases of hepatitis B among Asian Americans are contracted by children from infected mothers at birth.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) attacks a person’s immune system and can cause acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) once a person’s immune system is weakened enough. Someone who is infected with HIV is said to be HIV positive. HIV can be found in blood, semen, vaginal secretions, saliva, sweat and tears. HIV can be spread through an exchange of these fluids, including via sexual contact and shared needles. It’s important to note that HIV doesn’t always lead to AIDS and that testing positive for HIV does not automatically mean you have AIDS. HIV progresses in stages, with the final and most severe stage being AIDS. With aggressive and effective treatment, the HIV infection can be controlled but not cured, and the progression of the HIV infection to AIDS can be prevented. Testing is more accurate after several weeks, but the test may not detect HIV until after the three months of contracting the infection.

Some symptoms of AIDS are fatigue, weight loss, diarrhea, fever, night sweats and swollen lymph nodes. HIV is a serious disease that can be fatal, but through advances in research and medication, the outlook of living with HIV/AIDS is improving. Living strong, healthy lives with HIV is possible through taking medication to slow HIV progression, eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly.

At the end of the day, your sexual health affects your overall health, too. It’s simple things like getting tested and regularly visiting a doctor that can keep you worry-free, so take the time to protect yourself and stay healthy.

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What do you mean, sex?
Trying to define sex may seem simple, but in reality, it is a tricky thing to pin down. We are often quick to leap to equating it with the term “sexual intercourse,” but the terms actually lie on two ends of a spectrum. While “sexual intercourse” is technical and clinical, the term “sex” is immensely personal and emotional. For some, sex can cover all forms of intimate activity, even if it takes place over a distance, facilitated by the phone or internet. And for others, sex has only happened if a penis has penetrated a vagina and the involved parties have been brought to orgasm. How you define it is a personal decision for each of you that we’re not trying to determine for you.

But when we talk about safe sex, as we do in this guide, what we’re talking about is how to make any physically intimate activity safer. So our definition is necessarily broad, to cover any situation in which there is any risk of transmitting an infection or disease. While certainly not an exhaustive list, here are some common activities that would fall under this definition of sex:

• Vaginal intercourse: Insertion of penises or other objects, such as sex toys, into vaginas for sexual stimulation or reproduction.
• Anal intercourse: Insertion of penises or other objects, such as sex toys, into anuses for sexual stimulation.
• Oral sex: Use of mouths, lips or tongues for sexual stimulation—most commonly on the penises, vulvas, or anuses.
• Partner/mutual masturbation: Use of hands, other body parts or objects for sexual stimulation of the partner’s or one’s own genitals in the presence of a partner.
• Frottage: Non-penetrative rubbing of genitals against bodies of partners. Same-sex frottage amongst males is known as frot, particularly when it involves penis-to-penis contact, and among females, known as tribadism or scissoring, particularly when it involves vulva-to-vulva contact.

What do you mean, safer?
Sex has many emotional and physical benefits, but it also comes with risks. Becoming acquainted with those risks helps us make better, more informed decisions, and learning ways to reduce those risks makes sex safer. This guide not only addresses the physical aspects of reducing risks, but also explains how communicating well with those around you and thinking about your own approach to sex can lead to a healthier sex life. Risks cannot be completely eliminated, however, which is why we prefer the term “safer sex” to “safe sex.”

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